What Hurts The Most
by corrintaylor
Summary: Amber chose doing what she loved over the people that she loved. But is it too late to change her mind?
1. Planes

Dear Diary,

Nine months ago I left for fashion school in New York. Like Alfie said, I had to chose between the people that I loved and doing what I loved. I chose doing what I loved. I stepped onto the plane thinking that I was about to the time of my life. However, I stepped off the plane already knowing that I should have chose the people I loved. I had spent seven and a half hours on the plane thinking about Alfie, Nina, Mick, Mara, Patricia, Willow, Fabian, Joy, Jerome, Eddie, and KT.

Alfie. He was my boyfriend, I loved him and I still do. His adorable smile, catastrophic presents, his awkward obsession with aliens, and his less than funny pranks/jokes. His smile would make me melt and want to plant a kiss on his soft lips. His presents always turned bad, but they were always so sweet. His alien obsession was unrealistic, but he was determined to prove his point. And his pranks and jokes were usually stupid, but they seemingly always put a smile across my face. I missed Alfie.

Nina. She was my best friend; the one who would always be there for me through thick and thin. I couldn't have asked for a better roommate. Sure, she was not fashionable at all, but I loved trying to improve her fashion. I also loved supporting Fabina. Fabina forever. Nina was the best friend that I ever could have asked for and I loved her for that. I needed her to hold me up just like she needed me to hold her up. I missed Nina.

Mick. He started out as my boyfriend, but that didn't work out. We weren't the right match and that's okay. Our relationship is better now. He wasnt't my boyfriend, he wasn't my friend, and he wasn't my enemy. He was my brother. He was my shoulder to cry on, and the supporting legs to my table. He would always hold a piece of my heart, just not the boyfriend piece. I missed Mick.

Mara. She was my longest friend. We had shared a room. She'd help me with my studies, and I'd help her with her hair. It was a win win. Until, she developed a crush on Mick. That tore our friendship apart, and honestly it devastated me. Since then Mara and I have become friends again, but we are not as close as we used to be. I miss that. I missed Mara.

Patricia. She is honestly the meanest person that I have ever met, but I love her. I miss the way she teases me, and the way that I could help her with the whole Peddie situation. When she poured water over my head was cruel, but the fact that in the end she joined Sibuna was enough for our friendship to better itself. Sometimes Patricia calls me a "dumb blonde", but shes a goth pixie, so we are even. I missed Patricia.

Willow. She is simply the absolute most annoying person that I have ever met. She always followed me around and I was her role model. She looked up to my fashion sense, and she was willing to be my slave. I always acted like I hate her, but I don't. I love it that she looks up to me as a role model, follows me around like I'm the queen. I missed Willow.

Fabian. He is a nerd, but he was actually my friend. I know that he thinks that I am dumb, but whenever I come up with something brilliant he acknowledges it when pretty much everybody else doesn't. I am amazed that he actually came to me for Fabina advice, however, I am a love, beauty, and fashion guru. A status that most cannot accomplish. I missed Fabian.

Joy. Joy and I were very good friends, and then she was kidnapped by the teachers, and her own father. Then when she came back I was a hardcore Fabina shipper and sought no hope for Jabian. Therefore, our friendship diminished into almost nothing. Until the next term, where we once again rekindled our friendship. And then I left, almost as if I abandoned our friendship. I missed Joy.

Jerome. He always found it funny to play mean pranks on me, like putting a fish under my pillow, or pretending to be zombies and scaring me in the cellar. However mean the jokes were though, I had always laughed it off. Jerome and I were friends, but I don't think that he respects me much. Except when I am mean, then he practically bows down to me. I missed Jerome.

Eddie. Eddie and I were never really great friends, but whenever I need him he is there in a split second. He is the Osirian, a hero, and the other half of Peddie. Peddie is just a perfect relationship that I ship hardcore, as well as Fabina. I missed Eddie.

KT. I hadn't known KT for more than a few weeks, but she seemed really sweet. However, I don't like it that she threw the cereal at Patricia, throwing food is Jerome and Alfie's thing, and throwing liquid is Patricia's thing, but it was brave of her. I missed KT.

As much as I had loved my life in fashion school, there were 2 months left of this term, and I wanted to spend them in the House of Anubis with my friends, so I bought a plane ticket. I hopped on a cab to the airport, and boarded a plane. I was going back.

Would everything be different?

-Amber XOXOXO


	2. Arrival

Everything wasn't the same.

I walked into Anubis House, and nobody even noticed me. I looked around to see Mara and Fabian flirting, Joy and Jerome making out, and Patricia and Eddie sleeping on the couch.

My first thoughts were why are Mara and Fabian flirting? When I left, Mara and Jerome were happy together, and Fabian was heartbroken over Nina. He had even refused to lead Sibuna because he felt guilting being in Sibuna without Nina. I don't understand this, I thought that Fabian was waiting for Nina. I had been convinced that he'd actually wait forever for her. And now that Nina is back, it seems like he has just forgotten her.

Then when I saw Jerome and Joy making out I was excited that Joy had finally given up on Fabian, but then I realized that Fabian and Nina wouldn't be together either way. Still I didn't understand, what happened? What happened between Mara and Jerome?

Finally, I saw Peddie sleeping together, and I squealed. I knew that they would get back together. I guess that I surprised everyone because Joy and Jerome pulled apart confused. startled Patricia and Eddie rolled off the couch, and Fabian and Mara grew silent. "Amber!" Mara chanted running towards me and engulfing me in the largest hug ever. Then Jerome, Joy, Eddie, Fabian, and Patricia all raced over as well.

"Hey you guys!" I responded.

Mara looked up at me, "Amber, why are you here? We thought that you were at fashion school?"

"Well, I missed you guys to be honest! I was there for nearly 5 months, and I decided to come back home to Anubis House for the rest of the term!" I explained.

Mara all of a sudden looked dazed, and then she started talking. "Let me catch you up, since you've been gone, Willow moved in. Now I share with Joy and KT, and Patricia, Nina, and Willow share. Also, Jerome cheated on me with Willow, so now he is dating Joy!"

I reached forward and slapped Jerome's arm. He groaned. "What was that for?" he angrily questioned!

"For being a jerk!" I retorted. "And about the rooms-"

Then I was cut off by Patricia, "Yeah, about that. Willow's a bit too happy for me, so I have an idea for the new rooms. I can share with Mara and Joy again, and Amber, Willow, Nina, and KT can share? Sound good?"

"I guess," Mara answered, and I nodded my head. That is when I noticed that Joy was wearing one of my blouses.

"Joy is that mine?" I asked curiously.

Joy looked a little bit scared, "Well, it is, but you left it here, and you can have it back if you want!"

"It's fine Joy, I got a bunch of new clothes, and I don't care if you wear my old clothes," I sincerely told her.

Then I began walking up the stairs when I saw Alfie and Willow hugging.

What was going on between Willow and Alfie?

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**Sorry for the lateness, wifi has been down, and it is hard to get things posted, but I am trying as hard as I can to catch up!**

**Xx Rinni**


	3. Shock

**First off, I am changing the name of this story to What Hurts The Most. I think that it fits better. Anyways, I haven't updated in quite a while, so I am very sorry about that! I had writers block, but now that I have two new plots to work on it will be easier. And I enjoyed writing this chapter much more than I did the other ones.**

**Xx Rinni**

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As I walked past Willow and Alfie they didn't even notice me. I thought nothing of it. I threw my things in my room, and then settled in for a couple of minutes. Then I decided that Alfie would be the final person that I surprised because I love him the most. I skipped out into the hallway to find Nina when out of the corner of my eye I spotted Alfie and Willow snogging. Immediately my heart cracked in half, and a river began flowing from my eyes. Was this seriously happening to me?

I bolted from the hallway to my room dragging my suitcase close behind me. I kicked my designer heels off, not even caring enough to gently place them on the floor. I just curled up in a ball on my bed and cried. After nearly an hour, I still hadn't stopped. The pain was just too much, and I needed to distract myself. Immediately my mind thought of the only option. Cutting.

I went into my suitcase and pulled out a fresh razor. I snapped off the handle, and pulled the blade throught the back of the head. I pushed the blade against my skin gently. "_Your a coward Amber_, " I thought to myself. "_Just cut already!_" Kept ringing through my mind along with "_He doesn't want you_!" and "_He likes the damn hippie better because she is better_!" After nearly five minutes of sitting there, the blade to my skin, I applied pressure until thick blood began oozing out.

I cut four times before rapping the broken razor in some tissues and tossing it in the trash can. My wrist was fresh with blood, and unless I wanted my secret out, I'd have to clean it up. I put down my arm trying to be discrete as I made my way to the bathroom. I was too ashamed to look up, as I just stared at the floor. Suddenly I heard a thud and than an all too familiar voice say, "Ambs." I looked up to see the blonde haired boy I had dated once before.

"Hi Mick," I said worriedly. He engulfed me in a hug, and with my luck, Jerome walked down the corridor.

"Are these two lovebirds back together?" Jerome teased. Then I saw him eyeing something on Mick's white t-shirt.

"No," Mick said calmly.

Jerome then put a rather strange look on his face before saying,"Mick, I think that your back is bleeding." Mick pulled off his shirt revealing his sexy abs. It also revealed that his back was perfectly fine.

"Amber?" Mick questioned me as I nodded and discretely stepped back. "Do you know why there is so much blood on my shirt? Are you bleeding?" he questioned.


	4. Known Facts

**I think that I am in love with this story again! Hope you enjoy the quick updates! Also, tell me in your reviews who you want Amber to date, I'm not sure if she will date, but I'm keeping my options open!**

**Xx Corrin**

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"Umm," I muttered, "Mick can we talk in private."

"Sure," Mick replied taking her hand which felt wet, and leading her into her room. He lifted his hand away from hers, and when he glimpsed at it he saw fresh blood. "Ambs why is there blood everywhere?"

I hid my wrists behind my back, and stayed awkwardly silent. I guess putting my wrists behind me gave it away because Mick reached behind me, and pulled my wrist forward. He looked at it, and I looked up at him in shame.

"Why?" he asked me. A few tears running down his face.

"It's just all wrong Mick. Everything is all wrong. I thought that when I got back, it would all be perfect, that Alfie would wait, but he hasn't. No one has," I cried, "They all forgot about me."

"But that doesn't mean that you punish yourself, now come on I'll clean you up," Mick comforted me. He lead me into the bathroom this time way more discretely.

He pulled some gauze out of the medicine cabinet, and gripped my wrist. I winced at the pain. Then he began wiping the blood away to reveal the four fresh deep cuts. He wrapped a new piece of gauze around them and sealed it with medical tape.

Mick knew. That was all I could think. We went our separate ways and I'll I could do was hope that he didn't tell my secret.


	5. Help

**Hey guus, I hope you love the chappie! Please review and make sure to check out my other stories which are equally as good!**

**Xx Corrin **

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Days past by quickly, I avoided Alfie and Willow. Neither of them even had a clue that I was back. I didn't really think about Walfie. All that was on my mind was that Mick knew. Yeah, he was like my brother, but that doesn't mean that I'd want him to know.

I'm pretty sure that I am slowly going crazy. Not knowing what Mick is doing with my secret. It really was scaring me. I was staying eerily silent, and I avoided everyone at all costs, but I never went to far away from Mick, keeping an eye on him was like keeping an eye on my secret.

I was in my room listening to One Direction and bopping my head along to the beat when Mick walked in. I pretended that I didn't notice him walking in, being careful to shut the door behind him, and then pulling the headphones from my ears.

"We need to talk," he stated.

"Is this what I think this is about?" I asked.

"If we are thinking the same thing than yes," he started, and I nodded. "Look Amber I'm not going to tell anyone, but you need help."

I looked up at him. I was relieved, but I can tell that fear showed across my face. I didn't really need help, did I?

"And I'm prepared to help you."


	6. Little Hints

**Again, I apologize for the wait. However, this chapter is short, yet vital to the plot. Also please check out my co-write with peddiegirl101, The Necklace of Isis. I'm sure that you'll love it!**

**Xx Corrin**

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At that moment I just broke down crying in Mick's arms. All of the tears that I had been holding in for so long came pouring down my cheeks soaking his shirt. He just let me keep my head in the crook of his neck, and rubbed gentle comforting circles on my head.

After a few minutes I calmed down, and picked my head up. That's when I realized that the door was open. And Alfie was looking through it watching Mick and I.

I got up and unzipped my suitcase. I took out all of my Amfie scrapbooks, and through them at him. Then I proceeded to slam the door in his face before getting out my old Mickber scrapbook and bringing it over to Mick.

"Look Mick, remember this?" I asked pointing at the picture of my kissing Alfie to make Mick jealous.

"Yeah Ambs. But that's a bad memory. Can I do the honors?" Mick asked giggling.

"Of course," I said slipping the picture from the book, and handing it to Mick. Then he ripped it so that Alfie was out of the picture.

"Now it's perfect," he whispered throwing Alfie in the trash can.


End file.
